Have you ever felt that life is just spinning around you and as much as you'd like to stop it, you can't? That was this month for me. I had to undergo strong experiences that shook my whole being. It all started with issues with my legal status here in the US. This is something I have always struggled with. Something that lurks from behind me and never knowing when its going to strike. For the sake of time all I have to say is that I am finally a permanent resident. Thanks to God and my mother I am able to enjoy the blessings that come from having this status. But getting to this place took many tears, frustrating and unfair experiences that I have to leave in the hands of God. And last but certainly not least, at the end of the month in September I went through one of the most terrible and painful experiences I have ever gone through. I found out on 8/31/09 that I was expecting a child. Wow! we said a baby! We were so thrilled that I didn't know what to do with this happiness. It is something that we believe God wanted us to do. We were preparing mentally, spiritually and moving things in our lives so we could welcome this blessing in to our lives.
However, just like I mentioned, life can be a roller coaster. Sometimes your up in the sky enjoying the view and when you least expect it, boom! You're doing again looking up and at times wondering what happened. Needless to say, I was in shock when the doctor let us know in the ER that I had a threatened miscarriage. I could not believe it. Was this a dream, a joke? As the days went by I started loosing my hope. I started to realize that this dream of becoming a mother was not going to happen this time. I started to ponder on how much I loved mu child and did not want to say "good-bye." I couldn't. It was during those moments that I started to experience a different kind of pain. I wanted to scream, yell, and go crazy. But I couldn't. I have a knowledge of God's plan for all of us and simply decided to place my life and my child's life in His hands. And so after 2 days. I lost my child.
My mother and husband were so supportive. I felt so blessed to have their love because I don't know what I would've done without them. God is a merciful God and he knows why we have to undergo through certain experiences. Placing my trust in the Lord helped me to overcome this great trial in our lives.
